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The Miracle Songbird

The Weekly World News reports that Janet's boob has healing powers::

Jiggly Janet Jackson's titillating antics at the Super Bowl half-time show enraged many Americans. But she's won the gratitude of thousands of people worldwide, who claim they were cured of disease after watching her exposed breast on TV -- or simply touching a photograph of it!

Sports fans who tuned in to the game and inadvertently got an eyeful of Janet's bare boob have flooded health departments with letters stating that the sight cured them of a host of medical woes, ranging from cancer to zits.

Perhaps even more incredibly, hundreds of others who only saw the censored image when it was replayed ad nauseum on TV -- or touched a still picture in their morning newspaper the next day -- also claim to have received miracle cures.

And while angry FCC honchos are investigating Janet and MTV, which produced the half-time show, for possible violation of federal decency rules, folks whose health was restored by the naughty display are begging the agency to give the miracle songbird a break.

"When Justin Timberlake tore Janet's costume and her breast popped out, I felt a shock go through me," says 85-year-old Edith F. of Paterson, N.J., who had been confined to a wheelchair due to crippling arthritis since 1993.

"I was so disgusted, I stood up, crossed the room and turned off the TV. Then I realized what I'd done -- I'd walked for the first time in 11 years. There's no pain in my legs anymore. My arthritis has been cured. Janet's miracle boob healed me.

To read more about Janet's Miracle Boob , pick up the latest Weekly World News on sale now!

Will any of Michael Jackson's body parts turn out to have similar curative powers? One can only pray.



posted by degustibus at 8:03 AM